Lesson 13: Behavior and Discipline

Attention

Learning Outcomes

Upon completion of this lesson's material, students will be able to

• Discuss strategies to guide challenging behaviors.
• Discuss how our discipline practices relate to how we were parented.
• Discuss how to handle “pet peeve” behaviors.

Teaching

It always amuses me when I am working with a family of a newborn and there is a question on the questionnaire that says, "Do you have any concerns about his/her behavior?"

Behavior is a hot topic when it comes to infants and toddlers. Yes, I said infants. Families sometimes can take it personally when an infant does something that they were just told not to. It actually isn't until around 18 months that toddlers begin to understand that they are separate than others and their feelings/emotions are different than other peoples. Babies do not have the skills to purposely defy parents because they do not have the understanding that other people have different thoughts and feelings than them.

However, once the child reaches about 18 months, watch out. They start to understand independence, and they practice it. Often times, toddlers are defiant, persistent, testy and demanding. It is completely normal for toddlers to test boundaries and stretch the limits. Unfortunately, their method of learning can test the patience of their parents and other caregivers. They are discovering how they fit into the world, what rules are, how much they are allowed to do and other important social factors. It is mostly about how you respond that will determine the child's ultimate behavior. It is important to remember that their exploration is all about them – toddlers do not yet have the cognitive ability to do something with the intention of "pushing your buttons."

Of course, the number one thing to do is start early. I know I just said that infants do not have the skills to defy but they do have the skills to recognize patterns and pick up on emotions. If a baby is doing something that they shouldn't, remaining calm and using short language accompanied by an action is best. For example, if little Suzy is climbing on top of the sink, you would want to calmly say, "feet on the floor" as you help her down. She may repeat this over and over and over again, leading you to believe she is out to get you. I assure you that is not the case. She probably loves to climb, is learning cause and effect, and is looking for your attention. As we discussed in Lesson 12, Suzy is a natural-born scientist; this means that she needs to test out her theories many times in many environments with different caregivers to see what will happen.

In the article Coping with Defiance - Birth to Three Years there are many more strategies discussed and factors to consider. As you are reading, think about the strategies that you may have seen before and how they may or may not have worked.

Another BIG behavior challenge when working with toddlers is their VERY BIG emotions. Toddlers are learning about self-control and will try many strategies to get what they want….or think that they want. Sometimes they have no idea what they want and will cry to wear the nemo shirt when they are already wearing it! Toddlers are in this unique developmental space in which they simultaneously want something and they don't! Adults often perceive this as the toddler not being able to make up his mind, but in reality the child is stuck with both desires (I want your help and I don't want your help; I want the milk and I don't want the milk). These times are SO exhausting and if you think we, as trained professionals, are tired….what do you think the parents are feeling? And how exhausting must it be for the toddlers?

The number one strategy is to model appropriate self-control. Remember, toddlers are always watching us. They learn by mimicking what they see and if we are out of control – you bet they will be too. It doesn't mean that we can't have our moments, it is what we do afterwards that matters. For example, Emma is freaking out because she wants to wear the nemo shirt. She is already wearing the nemo shirt and I tell her that. No matter how I word it she yells for the nemo shirt. I validate her feelings, I bring her to the mirror, and I empathize and try to give comfort. Still nothing is working. I start to think she is NUTS and get frustrated. I recognize that my patience is wearing and have to put myself into check. First, I close my eyes and take a breath. I look at Emma and say, "I am frustrated because I do not know how to help you. I am going to take a deep breath and walk away. When you are ready, I will be over there." I do exactly what I say and move myself to a different spot and wait, and wait and wait until she is ready.

Of course this strategy looks different for different kids and scenarios. But modeling and keeping ourselves in check is important. For more strategies on how to respond, read Toddlers and Challenging Behavior: Why They do it and How to Respond

Assessment

Lesson 13 Discussion A

Similar to the other articles, The Past Is Present is an article for parents of young children. The article talks about how our childhood experiences impact parenting styles. For early childhood educators, this is equally as true. Certainly we are different with other people’s children as we would be with our own (it is inevitable given the biological bond) but the first place we learned to be parents, was by being parented.

After reading the short article provides us with a brief description of something you do when working with children that relates to how you were parented.

Lesson 13 Discussion B

Every educator has a pet peeve. For some it is whining. For others it might be clinginess. Pet peeves are real and they are okay! Again, it is what you do with it that matters. For me, I cannot stand dramatics. I understand why toddlers make mountains out of molehills. I know the science behind it that it is normal and it’s not going away. However, it annoys me and I strategize how to react appropriately. Then I go home and de-stress so I do not get burnt out.

What is your pet peeve and how do you cope?

Lesson 13 Discussion C

Share one strategy you read about this week that you have not tried but area excited to try. Can you picture any kids to practice on or try it out with? Describe the steps you would take.