Lesson 3: Attending Behavior

Attention

Our clients should never have to work THIS hard to get our attention!

Think of this as well...many times "GETTING ATTENTION" is the identified cause of student disruption in elementary school...or so the teachers sometimes say...well, if that is true, why do the students need to go to such heroic measures to get attention?

Learning Outcomes

Upon completion of this lesson's material, students will be able to:

  • Identify emotions related to the experience of not being listened to vs. being listened to.
  • Demonstrate the ability to identify key attending behaviors such as eye contact, vocal qualities, verbal tracking, and body communication.

Teaching

Paying Attention

Have you ever tried having a conversation with someone who was not attending to you? They were distracted, not making eye contact? How did you know they were not attending? What did you do?

In our busy lives we can sometimes fail to attend to what is going on around us...add to this the alure of technology and our ability to remain "connected"...but what are we connected to? What is the effect of all this technology around us on our ability to attend to what is going on?

As counselors we develop a comfortable "vigilance" as to the behavior of our client. It does not read as clearly as words, but they are taken into consideration when we work with clients.

We attend to:

  • Visual/Eye Contact
  • Vocal Qualities
  • Verbal Tracking
    • Key words
    • Emotion words
    • Contradictions
  • Body Communication

There are several apps available having to do with "Body Language"

This app is just for fun and it is FREE

Try downloading iBodyLanguage.

This app makes a lot of statements about the hidden meaning of gestures, posture, and even eye position...do you think that these are accurate?

Under certain circumstances we need to pay very special attention to behavior:

  • Play Therapy
  • Older Clients
  • Mental Illness
  • People in Crisis
  • Anger

Becoming a Samurai

As we develop these skills we become like Samurai, focused and attentive to the moment. This has a profound impact on the way our clients respond to us. This is PLANNED...this is what we want.

When we attend to our clients we:

"Support (them) with individually and culturally appropriate visuals, vocal quality, verbal tracking, and body language"

We expect that our clients will then:

"...talk more freely and respond openly, particularly about topics to which attention is given..."

As we develop our skills:

  • Practice changes your body
  • Skills are specific
  • The brain drives the brawn
  • Practice style is crucial
  • Short-term intensity cannot replace long-term commitment
  • Practice provides a continuous feedback loop

What do we attend to?

Careful about this one...we can lead clients by attending only to things that WE think are relevant. While this is part of our training, we need to recognize that clients are motivated to please us and when we give subtle cues that it is OK to talk about some things and less OK to talk about others, we may miss things.

Empathy

Carl Rogers is the one who brought empathy to the forefront of our awareness.

When we:

"Experience the client's world and story as if you were the client..."

We expect that our clients will:

"...feel understood and engage in more depth exploration of their issues."

Empathy is like Rewards and Punishments - it is assessed by it's effects. If a client is "resistant" maybe YOU are not being empathetic enough?

Assessment

Lesson 3 Quiz

For this quiz I want you to engage a significant other in a discussion. The topic can be about anything you wish to talk about. In this conversation I want you to be very attentive as to the body cues you are receiving from the person. At some time during the conversation, when they are trying to tell you something, make an effort to be distracted and "not listen". (Be sure to continue attending to body cues.)

After a short time the individual may become irritated so be ready to stop the experiment and tell them what you are doing! Ask them how it felt to be "not listened to."

  1. Describe this experience and any other experiences you may had when you did not feel attended to. Considering the stigma that many of our clients experience, describe how they might experience not being attended to and why it is so important for us to do so.
  2. Describe the body cues that you picked up on (both prior to being distracted and while you were distracted.) If you downloaded the app mentioned in the lesson plan, does the interpretation of these body cues in the app match your experience?

Lesson 3 Discussion

For this discussion you are going to record yourself providing reflection of feeling making observations. In this particular video you are going to conduct a session, but you are going to interrupt the process to point out things that you are observing. You need to have a willing "client" who can play the role well while you do this!

This particular assignment might be best to do face-to-face with someone...the iPad can be looking at the two of you, but then you can turn to the camera every once in a while to identify things that you are noticing. The final product will be quite disrupted by your frequent comments!

Post a link to your video in the discussion board and explain what happened. Comment on each others' postings.

You should note the following things as they occur:

  • Visual/Eye Contact
  • Vocal Qualities
  • Verbal Tracking
    • Key words
    • Emotion words
    • Contradictions
  • Body Communication

There are some choices in terms of how you want to create a recording.

For more information on creating videos on your iPad click HERE.