Lesson 10: Reconnection and Commonality

Attention

Listen to the song by Malachy Tallack Leaving my old self behind.

The journey of our clients includes learning how to leave their old selves behind, heal their hearts, their relationships and move forward to develop their new selves. This is not an easy journey. Your role as a mental health professional is to support clients by walking side by side with them on this journey.

Learning Outcomes

Upon completion of this lesson's material, students will be able to:

  • Identity the role that "learning to fight" plays in the process of recovery
  • Identity the role that supportive others can have in the process of recovery

Teaching

  • Read "Chapter 10: Reconnection" in Hermon
  • Read "Chapter 11: Commonality" in Hermon

Helping someone work through trauma requires patience and skill. These chapters are offering you information to help you become a better mental health worker in the future. This is really a healing journey we are talking about. There are many tips and ideas that you can offer clients to help them through this journey. The document below is an excerpt from a brochure titled Deaing with the Effects of Trauma - A Self Help Guide. It was distributed by Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA).

How does one begin to reconnect with others after a trauma?

In this phase there is a creation of a new sense of self and the person can start thinking about the future. They will begin to work on redefining themselves as they start to create new meaningful relationshipos. The goal is that the trauma is no longer a focused and defining part of their daily lives. It becomes integrated into their story but not the only story that defines who they are. This is also a time to explore how they can take their experience and maybe help others in need or find a way to give back in other ways.

Here are some thoughts on the process of reconnection with self and others after trauma.

Connecting with Your Self Lost to PTSD

The process of learning how to become the person you wanted to be versus the person trauma turned you into can be long and challenging, but here are three things to help you along the way:

1) You cannot go back to who you used to be. I spent a long time trying to go back; when that failed, I tried to imitate who I had been. Neither work. That old person didn’t know all the things you now do know about yourself, others and the world. That new information will always be present in any identity you choose.

2) You can bring the past into your present. If you can remember who you used to be then you can identify what you valued back then and see how that aligns with what you value now. Offering yourself new experiences that link up to old values is one way of creating a connection between your past and your present. If you can’t remember a self before trauma, then you can use your imagination (a very key element in neuroplasticity, by the way) to create an image of who that would have been, identify what values that represents, and also create new experiences that allow you to embody those values.

3) You can choose to go forward into the future. It’s easy to think that who you were or didn’t have the chance to be is better than who you can become. That’s false. While PTSD symptoms make you feel less than, your more than self waits to be discovered. One way to start moving in that direction is by becoming clear on who you want to be when you have achieved your recovery goals. What kind of person is that? Your perception of that can begin with a person who has reduced or even eliminated symptoms and then expand into how you will live, work, love, laugh, play, etc.

Trauma leaves in its wake many losses; resolving the loss that deeply affects identity is a core element of recovery and healing. In my own process, this meant acknowledging who I had become and what I didn’t like about myself, recognizing what I missed about my old self and finding ways to reconnect, creating a vision of who I wanted to be and setting up experiences that allowed me to explore, discover, embrace and embody the elements that made me feel a connection to that. The shift from powerless to powerful in PTSD healing must go all the way down to the core of who you are—of your identity. It gains strength from linking to your other selves in ways that resolve pain and loss, plus increase action and connection. (Information above adapted from http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/traumaptsdblog/2014/10/23/ptsd-and-your-lost-self-how-to-reconnect/)

As an individual with trauma history starts to reconnect here are some other things that can help (from http://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/emotional-and-psychological-trauma.htm)

Don't isolate

  1. Following a trauma, you may want to withdraw from others, but isolation makes things worse. Connecting to others face to face will help you heal, so make an effort to maintain your relationships and avoid spending too much time alone.
  2. You don’t have to talk about the trauma. Connecting with others doesn’t have to mean talking about the trauma. In fact, for some people, that can just make things worse. Comfort comes from feeling engaged and accepted by others.
  3. Ask for support. While you don’t have to talk about the trauma itself, it is important you have someone to share your feelings with face to face, someone who will listen attentively without judging you. Turn to a trusted family member, friend, counselor, or clergyman.
  4. Participate in social activities, even if you don’t feel like it. Do “normal” things with other people, things that have nothing to do with the traumatic experience.
  5. Reconnect with old friends. If you’ve retreated from relationships that were once important to you, make the effort to reconnect.
  6. Join a support group for trauma survivors. Being with others who are facing the same problems can help reduce your sense of isolation and hearing how others cope can help inspire you.
  7. Volunteer. As well as helping others, volunteering can be a great way to challenge the sense of helplessness that often accompanies trauma. Remind yourself of your strengths and reclaim your sense of power by comforting or helping others.
  8. Make new friends. If you live alone or far from family and friends, it’s important to reach out and make new friends. Take a class or join a club to meet people with similar interests, connect to an alumni association, or reach out to neighbors or work colleagues.
    If connecting to others is difficult
  9. Many people who have experienced trauma feel disconnected, withdrawn and find it difficult to connect with other people. If that describes you, there are some things you can do before you next sit down with a friend:
  10. Exercise or move. Jump up and down, swing your arms and legs, or just flail around. Your head will feel clearer and you’ll find it easier to connect.
  11. Vocal toning. As strange as it sounds, vocal toning is a great way to open up to social engagement. Sit straight and simply make “mmmm” sounds. Change the pitch and volume until you experience a pleasant vibration in your face.

Self-regulate your nervous system

No matter how agitated, anxious, or out of control you feel, it’s important to know that you can change your arousal system and calm yourself.

  1. Mindful breathing. If you are feeling disoriented, confused, or upset, a quick way to calm yourself is through mindful breathing. Simply take 60 breaths, focusing your attention on each out breath.
  2. Sensory input. Does a specific sight, smell or taste quickly make you feel calm? Or maybe petting an animal or listening to music works to quickly soothe you? Everyone responds to sensory input a little differently, so experiment to find what works best for you.
  3. Staying grounded. To feel in the present and more grounded sit on a chair, feel your feet on the ground and your back against the chair. Look around you and pick six objects that have red or blue in them. Notice how your breathing gets deeper and calmer.
  4. Allow yourself to feel what you feel when you feel it. Acknowledge your feelings about the trauma as they arise and accept them. Our emotional intelligence toolkit can help.

Here is a document to read that summarizing some of the information we have already reviewed about trauma but also lists treatment and different treatment modalities:

http://effectivehealthcare.ahrq.gov/index.cfm/search-for-guides-reviews-and-reports/?pageaction=displayproduct&productid=901

Assessment

Lesson 10 Quiz

1. When we connect with others as part of our daily lives we find that others can help us find strength. We have learned that self-blame is a huge part of the trauma and the impact of trauma. How do you think individuals really navigate the challenge of forgiving themselves?

2. Please explain your understanding of the concepts of reconnection and commonality as individuals work through the process of healing from trauma.

Lesson 10 Discussion (for online course only)

Part of recovery from trauma includes finding inner strength to move forward and not let trauma define you. Individuals can find strengths that they did not know they had.

Learning to Fight: Post thoughts on the role of learning to fight, of facing fears, and finding strength. What we are looking for here in this phase of recovery is not the person who transforms into a jerk (the individual who spouts their anger all over the place) instead we are looking for the one who is strong in presence.